Who am I? A Poem

I just want to know who I am

where I am, what I truly am

and what I exist for at all.

I want to know what is named ‘me,’

 

Who am I? Also who are you?

Am I in the world? Am I one with it?

Separate from the world or not?

Or am I out of this world or not?

I feel so connected with all around

But sometimes I just don’t feel involved

and feel quite detached from this world.

 

I am not who you think I am.

I claim I am not the same self,

I would love to know my true self,

be sure of who I am to myself.

 

“This is my true self, my real self,

my steadfast self, my only self

independent self, the real me.”

 

Who will now point out this true self to me?

Is it another self in me given this task?

Can I point out my true self to myself?

 

I claim I am not the same self,

as I remember as a child long ago.

I claim I am different from this self from the past.

If so, then I can take no praise nor blame

for what I did or didn’t do in the past.

After all, myself today is not same

as the self who had acted yesterday.

 

Why should one self in me judge part of me?

Why should one part of me give

another part of me a hard time?

Why do that if I am always the same person?

Why do that if I am always changing?

 

If myself is just the same self every day,

yesterday, tomorrow and now,

that means that I always remains the same;

events then make no difference to myself,

nothing at all can affect me.

 

If I am really changing from day to day

then nothing can affect me

for more than a moment

because I am different

now from what I was just before.

 

Yesterday’s self bears no significance today.

My old self sometimes says nothing about today

Yet my old self sometimes dominates today.

My old self sometimes shadows over today.

 

Why should my old self judge today’s self

if I am changing every day?

Why should my old self judge today’s self

if I am the same self every day?

 

Do I consist of lots of different selves?

Tell me which one of my many selves

do I rely upon.

 

If I always remains the same, then

no chance for any kind of change;

I can’t develop or regress.

It would not matter what I did,

what I am doing or what I will do.

 

I cannot find a true self to pinpoint.

Which self within points out the true self?

Can I rely upon the self that points out the true self?

So there is no self assurance here

True self, changing self, different selves?

This all seems rather inconsequential.

 

Then I like to think I am both,

a true unchanging self and a changing self.

Which bit of me shows my true self?

Which bit of me shows my changing self?

What connects up these two kind of selves?

True self, changing self, different selves,

old self, new self, synthesis?

 

Reality refutes every thesis.

 

Such a relief ….

from Poems from the Edge of Time,

Christopher Titmuss

Lulu Press