Here are 20 tips to develop the Practice of Listening and Responding to another. Plus lyrics of Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
Album Cover 1975. Listen on YouTube.
Do you burn up inside in an intense conversation?
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
20 Tips on the Art of Listening and Responding
- Sit with a steady upright posture with both feet flat on the ground
- Ensure you listen to the right person at the right time, on the right subject matter in the right place (four related tips from the Buddha)
- Listen with total attention with eyes and ears fully open and receptive
- Be mindful of the ‘self’ arising in the listening, such as thoughts as ‘What I will say’ or views and opinions arising from within.
- Ask short questions free from preamable and listen to the responses of the person in front of you.
- Listen to the key words he or she is using and employ their language.
- To not interrupt to give the person the opportunity to express themselves or invite the person to summarise their point.
- Listen to the feelings, tone, attitude and content of what is being said.
- Offer a summary of what the person said to check that you have got it clear
- If the person is complaining, fault-finding and negative, find out what the person might want from you or somebody else?
- Speak calmly with a measured voice.
- Do not raise the voice or engage in rapid speech. You will not be heard.
- Avoid bringing in memory of conversations from the past.
- Express appreciation, as well as concerns, otherwise it sounds like complaining.
- If what the person says seems superficial, mundane and laced with generalisations, see if you can turn the conversation to a deeper level through skilful questions.
- If there is much agitation/demands/high expectations from the other, them make a new time to meet if it seems overwhelming or not the right time or place.
- Show warmth and kindness in the voice as much as possible to maximise supportive conditions for deep communication
- Keep responses and questions to short sentences of around 20 – 40 words for ease for the other to understand, especially if there are unresolved issues.
- Finish on a note of gratitude and appreciate for the communication, even if challenging and difficult.
- Remember to reflect wisely or keep some notes on the meeting to see what you have learnt about each other.
Remember it is a lifelong practice.