If your parents are impossible, then find a new mother and father. It is never too late to have a happy childhood.

A woman came to me on a meditation retreat last year. She had years of difficulty with her mother.

I told her to go and find a new mother. She did. She found a woman, an office manager who is a generation older than herself. The two women work together for the same company.  She gets on really well her with her and appreciates the older woman’s kindnesses and advice.

Aged in her 30’s, the woman, who was back on the retreat with me again this year, told me she now feels very happy. All her personal issues with her birth mother have gone and she really feels much gladness knowing her new mother. “My birth mother has not changed but her attitude doesn’t affect me. She has lost her power to upset me.”

She said to her manager, “Would you like to be my mother?” The manager smiled and said: “I would love to know you as my daughter.”

The woman has not turned her back on her birth mother. She said she no longer feels disappointed, hurt or angry with her mother’s constant negative attitude towards her. She can listen and respond with calmness when her mother gets into a rant.

A man told me on a retreat that he had a very difficult childhood. His parents were very strict never giving him time to play. They put a lot of pressure on him to succeed in every subject at school. He left home in his late teens feeling that he was never good enough at anything he tried.

I told him that it is never too late to experience a happy childhood.

We can allow the child within to take rebirth in the present. We can start today to engage in play, have fun and experience light-hearted and amusing pastimes without the burden of strict rules and attachment to notions of success and failure

With genuine play, we do not get stressed about results, try to impress others or take the activity as something serious. One of the Gods of India is Leela – the God of Play. When we play we are in harmony with the cosmic dance.

The man got the message. He told me later that he is currently experiencing a very happy childhood – engaging in enjoyable and playful activities alone and with others. He said he never felt so happy in all his life.

We have immense potential as human beings to liberate ourselves from problematic situations of the past. There is no reason to tie ourselves down to the biology of the past and imprison our present to it. If our mother and father put us down, kept demanding more and more attention from us or remain cold or distant, then let us find a new mother and father so we can keep our peace with the birth parents. We explore outside the box, so to speak.

Parents should not take their children for granted but show love, kindness and generosity so then parents are worthy of love and respect from their children.

There is nothing absolutely fixed about these major roles.  It might be necessary to make this clear to the parents. Children show respect to their parents through ethics in daily life of non-harming and non-exploitation, mindful living, compassion for others and free and adventurous outlook on life.

Some parents do not want their children to have an adventurous outlook even though it is a compliment to them. Parents fear for  the safety of their children among other reasons to want them to play safe.  Let us be bold, imaginative and take risks since life is short and never secure.

We bring children into the world to show them the power of love – not to ignore them, control them or make them a clone of ourselves.

If you need a new mother and father then keep your eyes and ears open.

If you need to experience a happy childhood, then start being playful today  or, at the latest, right after breakfast tomorrow morning.

May all beings find their mother and father

May all beings experience a happy childhood

May all beings be free and adventurous