30 COVID PREDICTI0NS from 2022-2025. Written by a Totnes Prophet

Dear Reader,

First, a health warning. If you have no sense of humour, please do not read on.

Yes, Yes. I have had the double jab and booster. To teach overseas and for grandchildren.

Yes. Yes. I got knocked sideways for a week right after the booster with a sore throat, streaming nose, watering eyes, headaches and ongoing aching body.

If you feel weary from Covid, Covid, Covid, Covid jabs and daily Covid news, then read on.

For some light relief!

30 COVID PREDICTIONS from 2022-2025. Written by a Totnes Prophet

1. Lip kissing is banned. Such an activity is a public health risk. Offenders will be prosecuted.
2. Drinking any liquids will only be permitted through straws.
3. A small flap with a zip on the facemask will be used for eating out or at home.
4. Government will only award Covid contracts to their friends to avoid meetings with businesses who bid for the contract.
5. Cheering and shouting are banned for all spectators of sport. Only handclapping is permitted.
6. Hugging is only allowed after using a hand cleanser right before a hug or, alternatively, wearing gloves. People who use elbows to greet each other must use an elbow mask.
7. Only one or two people are permitted at a time in a car. All cars must insert a full protective glass screen between front and rear seats.
8. NHS is renamed NCS. National Covid Service. Everybody else must pay for private medical care.
9. Only the government is permitted to hold parties at any time of the year and disregard all laws related to the pandemic.
10. Couples are not allowed to sleep in the same bed due to risk of infecting the partner.
11. All shops, offices, transportation, public and private buildings must leave windows open 24/7 for ventilation. All staff will wear onesie pyjamas to keep warm. Government offices are exempt and can keep windows closed.
12. A snorer at home or in a hotel must wear a facemask due to virus droplets lingering in the air.
13. Everybody must wear a facemask from birth to death.
14. Children must not sit on lap of mum and dad due to high risk of transmission.
15. Only a Government minister has permission to snog with their lover in the Minister’s office.
16. Footballers/cricketers/ boxers/swimmers and those in other sports must not open their mouths during a match or competition. Referees will give offenders a red card.
17. Footballers must not shake hands before a game. Footballers must not hug or lie on top of each other after a goal.
18. Houses of Parliament will be closed for all debates and only used for government party games.
19. All children from kindergarten onwards must wear facemasks and not play games, except for those in private education, such as Eton College, or attending Oxford University.
20. Public health inspectors with armed soldiers will call at every home in the UK to give everybody a monthly Covid-jab without exception.
21. Speaking in public meeting places is banned. People must use pen and paper to communicate with their friends/colleagues/family in coffee shops, restaurants and pubs to stop the spread of aerosols. Only government ministers are allowed to speak to each other.
22. Only the government and their wives, husbands or lovers are permitted to conduct government business in the garden of10 Downing Street with cheese and wine without masks or social distancing.
23. Performing artists such as singers and actors must wear a facemask, not engage in touch, avoid getting close or break social distancing rules during a performance.
24. Media will no longer interview government ministers. Government has cancelled all press conferences. Government will only respond to written questions from journalists sent seven days in advance.
25. Government limits births to one per person, except for the Prime Minister and other Government ministers, who are permitted a maximum of 10 children. Catholic Church closes all its churches in protest at setting limits on population growth.
26. Laughing is a super spreader. Laughing is a public health hazard and will not be tolerated. The law permits sending such offenders into long term solitary confinement.
27. The Government orders the public to buy household goods from Amazon to minimise shopping in the high street. Government said Amazon will be exempt from all taxation in return for their public service.
28. The Government has banned all demonstrations, except for those organised by the Government and their friends.
29. Government bans elections as campaigns are a danger to public health.
30. Finally: Only the deceased can attend a funeral.

Please note:

The Government passed the above legislation on sound scientific advice between 2022 and 2025.  In 2025, the Government continues to state it remains optimistic to stop the spread of Covid and its numerous variants.

Photo captures moment of receiving divine revelation in Brighton in 2018.

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