Beloved Facebook Friends.
Thank you for the kind words and many birthday wishes that arrived on my home page of Facebook on April 22. Much appreciation.
In the 1970’s, I used to be a Buddhist monk in Thailand and India. So, as a small thank you, here are four jokes concerning monks. There are variations on these jokes. Enjoy.
1.
A new monk arrived at the monastery. The head monk assigned him to help the other monks in copying the old sacred texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying copies, not the original books.
The new monk went to the Abbot to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continue in all of the other copies.
The Abbot said, ‘We have been copying from the copies for more than 1000 years. I will check the original.”
The head monk went down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
Hours later, nobody had seen the abbot, so the new monk went downstairs to look for him. He heard the abbot crying in the back of the cellar holding the original book in his hand.
The young monk asked what was wrong.
“For more than 1000 years, we insisted monks remain celibate.
“The word is ‘celebrate,’ not ‘celibate,” sobbed the head monk.
2.
Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?
3.
A monk takes a vow of silence for 10 years. After 10 years, the head monk congratulates him on his achievement.
” Please say a sentence,” the abbot said to him.
“The bed is too hard.”
The monks goes back into silence for another 10 years. After 10 more years, the head monk congratulates him on completing his vow.
“Please say a sentence,” the abbot said
“The porridge is too thin.”
The monk goes back into silence for another 10 years. After yet another 10 more years, the head monk congratulates the monk .
“Please say a sentence” the abbot said.
“The window in my cell won’t close.”
The Abbot replied. “You should disrobe. You are not ready to be a monk. You haven’t stopped complaining since you got here.”
4.
A man was driving in the middle of nowhere down a secluded country road. He got a flat tire, and got out to walk for help. After walking for some time, he came to a monastery. He knocked on the door and roused the monks. “I’ve got a flat tyre. Can I use your phone?” he asked.
The monks said they were sorry, but they did not have a phone. “If you stay tonight, you can get a ride in our vehicle to town tomorrow,” they said. So the man stayed the night in a small room in the monastery.
During middle of the night, the loudest, most wonderful, most hair-raising noise ever woke him up. He had to found out where that unbelievable sound came from.
Getting out of bed, he went running in the direction of the noise. It came again, making the hair on the back of his neck rise and his skin crawl.
Finally, he came to a huge door with heavy bolts. The head monk stood in front of the door.
“What was that amazing sound?” he asked. “What made it? Is it behind that door?”
The head monk shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
As the man turned away, he heard the noise again. “You have to tell me what it is,” he begged.
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you. You’re not a monk,” said the head monk.
The man tried to sleep, but couldn’t get the phenomenal sound out of his head. In the morning, as he was getting ready to leave, he heard the sound again. It made his ears ring and his mind whirl.
“Please tell me what made that sound,” he pleaded.
But the monks wouldn’t tell him. “I’m sorry, you’re not a monk” they all replied.
After he got his car fixed, he went back to his daily life. But he couldn’t get the sound out of his mind. After a few months, he got in his car and drove and drove until he found the monastery again.
He got out of his car and found the head monk. “I can’t forget that sound from that night I was here. Please, please, please tell me what made that sound.” The head monk just shook his head.
“I can’t tell you; you’re not a monk,” he said.
The Abbot said “You have to become a monk.”
“Yes. I must know. I agree. I will become a monk, “said the man.
After the man’s ordination as a monk, the Abbot said to him.: “Now you are a monk, you must meditate morning, noon and night and memorise all 10,000 discourses of the Buddha.
“Yes” said the newly ordained monk.
After 10 years, the monk came to the abbot. “I have done everything you told me to do. I meditate every day and I have memorised every single discourse of the Buddha.
“Please, please tell me what was that incredible sound. I remember it every day. “
The Abbot and the monk walked around the monastery and its gardens. Again, the monk heard this strange, wonderful and terrifying sound.
Finally, the Abbot and the monk came to the huge door and slowly opened it so the monk could see for himself what made the noise.
Dear Facebook Friend: I can’t tell you what made that incredible sound behind that huge door. You’re not a monk.